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kissing couple vector 6900191_sWelcome to Patricia Green Books! This week, I’m participating in Spanking Romance Reviews’ Spanking Round Table Discussion. The topic is “Bringing Spanking to the Relationship.” There are a number of authors and enthusiasts participating. You can find links to the others down at the bottom of this post.

So… Who or what brought spanking to my relationship, and how do others find their way to the DD lifestyle?

My relationship started online. My husband and I met through a BBS (bulletin board service) in the early 90s. That was the mode of meeting local people online at the time. As part of that BBS there were forums for writers, erotica writers, and BDSM specialists. There was no forum for Domestic Discipline at that time. Since we are both writers, we met in one of those forums. (I can’t recall which one.) Over time, we had online conversations and got to know each other. Elements of BDSM were in all our writings, and it was just accepted as something each of us would find as a normal part of any relationship. Neither of us brought spanking into the relationship, it was simply part of the framework.

Later, we met and found our written communications translated to chemistry offline and that was enough to seal the deal. As I said, spanking was never questioned, and our relationship morphed into Domestic Discipline quickly.

It was easy for me, but not so easy for others. I think it must be very scary to have a desire for spanking — from either party — and have little or no way to express what must be a taboo subject. My guess is that it starts from a little slap and tickle and then maybe a discussion can ensue. I’ve heard from a number of women that they instigated their own spankings and that their husbands went along, getting into it after a while as they saw their marriages improve via a bit of discipline. At the same time, although the topic was discussed (always a good beginning), a few people I know were unable to find accommodation in their marriage for spanking behavior. It is viewed as “abuse” by many people and that line remains firm in the majority of households.

Spanking is one potential tool in the marriage toolbox. There are so many others, many much more important. To my way of thinking, it doesn’t matter who brings it up, so long as a discussion takes place, fantasies are explored, and the behavior is mutually agreed upon, and part of a program to improve the marriage, either through erotic spankings to enhance the sex life, or adult discipline spankings to increase peace and cohesiveness in the household. At no time should spanking be one-sided, even though one spouse or another is the sole spanker and the other the sole spankee, because, no matter which party insists upon it, it cannot work without cooperation and goals cannot be met.

If you are interested in bringing spanking to your relationship in any form, I encourage you to read spanking romance and Domestic Discipline books and explore spanking blogs and forums online. Find out the ways such relationships might start and apply some of what you learn to your own relationship. Perhaps share a book with your spouse and note his or her reaction. You might be surprised pleasantly. Remember, the two of you have a lot in common or you wouldn’t be together. Be honest with each other. The rest should follow.

That’s my take on bringing spanking to the relationship. Read others’ perspectives by following the links below.

10 Comments

  1. Great, uplifting story and great advice, Patricia – it cheers my heart to read about two people so well suited and so in harmony.

  2. Lovely post, Trish. I enjoyed reading your experiences and your thoughts. Sounds like you are very happy. 🙂

  3. I love that you and your husband were some of the pioneers of online love, before all the sites with 400 questions and blood tests popped up. 🙂 A bulletin board love story!

  4. I love your article. For my Master and I, it really “just happened” too. I like how you took the time to write beyond your own relationship; BDSM has been such a part of my life for so long that I sometimes struggle to picture how it is for those just getting into it, DD, or spanking in general

  5. It sort of just happened? That is awesome! I completely understand that, I feel like most of my relationship with my husband happened that way. A natural progression of things. The spanking not so much, I had to take a leap there, but he followed me. Thanks for sharing, I love your insight!

  6. Now I have learned something totally new about you, Patricia. I had no idea you met your spouse online. It seems that you two were meant to be together and finding so much in common, no matter what, is always a blessing. It might be heartbreaking to fall in love with a partner who craved a DD relationship and the other did not. It seems such an integral part of relationships as you depict it in your books, I can’t imagine the potential for heartache if the other didn’t share that desire. Great post!

  7. Great post, Trish! I am so glad you shared your journey with us!
    What a blessing to have met that way, and found your mutual interests aligning like that!
    I am so glad to hear all the different journeys and viewpoints like this- everyone’s journey is different!

    Thanks so much for sharing! 🙂

  8. Like Cara and Natasha have said, it is wonderful how naturally your DD relationship developed. I can imagine lots of people reading this and sighing in envy. it sounds like you were both meant for it from the off.

  9. I agree with Cara. You are so natural. I think it’s a gift to know early one what you want and not feel shame over it. Well, it’s 2 gifts really. Thanks for sharing Patricia. 🙂

  10. Your process seems like it was very organic and natural with little discomfort or fear/embarrassment. How wonderful for you.

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