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SRRT graphicHow old were you when you realized that spanking had to be a part of your life? I mean really a part, as in having a partner to share it with. Were you 20, 30, maybe 40+? Are you still working this out? And what happens to our spanking behavior as we get older?

I started being interested in spanking when I was about 15, reading some of those old paperback romances we would now call classic for the genre. A number of them had the heroines being spanked, and it really intrigued me. I kept that to myself; 15 is a formative year.

When I was 19, I entered into my first real spanking relationship. The man I was dating was 42 years old and very much the dominant party in our relationship. Firmly, he taught me how to behave. I had been pretty well out of control ever since my mother (my only parent) died when I was 18. I was bratty and deserved all of the spankings I received. But more importantly, it set the tone for the rest of my life. When that relationship broke up, I had to search to find another man who would satisfy my need to turn over some of my control to an outside party.

It took me 13 years, and one broken marriage, to find the right person. By that time, I was over 30, but still in good form, vitally active, and had reverted back to my earlier brattiness. Fast forward: I’m now 53. How has that relationship changed in 20+ years?

After about a zillion spankings, I have to say I am much, much better behaved. I’ve mellowed out and learned most of my lessons in good comportment. So I rarely earn a spanking. Most of the time, they’re more playful than punishment. Not that they don’t hurt. They do. Sometimes, they hurt my dignity more than my rear end. After all, I’m a middle aged woman with grown kids and a controlled lifestyle; I shouldn’t be baring my rear for a belt. Especially as my butt isn’t what it was when I was 30!

Still, spanking is definitely a threat that means something to me. It usually doesn’t take more than that threat to get me to realize how my behavior has gone awry and to get me to straighten up and fly right. I still screw up occasionally, whining too much, making stupid mistakes that could have easily been avoided, spending too much money (not too often on that one – I’m a miser as I get closer and closer to retirement), and occasionally talking back or not listening. But these are now rare issues.

Let’s think about this. With the exceptions of erotic spankings and playful smacks on the rump as you’re passing in the hallway, isn’t the point of punishment spankings to teach you better behavior? If you’re not learning to calm down, screw up less often, and manage your spending, are the punishment spankings working? If they’re not working, what purpose do they serve? Maybe you just need to be generally punished regularly to atone for the guilty feelings that build up over time. Does that latter scenario work for you? Shouldn’t you be learning to deal with everyday guilty feelings and minimize their impact on your married life?

I look at the spanking behavior in my own life as an evolving process. Undoubtedly, it will become less and less as both my husband and I get older. But it’s still the 900 pound gorilla in the room. If I mess up, he still has a hand, a belt, and the dreaded wooden hairbrush. My trajectory appears to be one of more even temperament as I get older.

I know of people into their seventies that still have spanking behavior. It slows down, it becomes erotic, even if only occasionally occurring, and less and less for punishment. BDSM may play a part, but again, it’s unlikely to be for actual punishment, even when painful.

I hope spanking will always remain part of my life, no matter what age I am. As I imagine myself in my 60s and 70s, it makes me uncomfortable to think of how humiliating it would be to be 65 years old and earning a spanking, but that just makes me more determined than ever to keep my nose clean. I’d much rather save my spankings for fun times. [nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?]

It will be fascinating to read how you all see yourselves and spankings in the future. Please leave a comment here, so I’ll know you visited and gave it some thought.


Read more journeys through spanking and find out how people envision themselves as spankers and spankees in their future. Go here for more:


  1. I always liked my wife to give me a few spanks as part of foreplay. I am now over seventy and that part of the foreplay has grown not shrunk. Sometimes it is even the main thing if my wife is happy with it. As I am a man it is nothing to do with behaviour modification or punishment. It is just something I thoroughly enjoy for some reason. She doesn’t want it for herself but is comfortable doing it to me.

  2. Thanks for sharing and for hosting this discussion. I’d just like to add that I’m glad there are more and more spanking books being written about couples in their 40s and beyond.

    • It was my pleasure, Celeste. And I agree that there should be a little more variety with regard to lovers’ ages. I tried to do that in my books, but I think most women want to fantasize about being young again, rather than being their current age. Of course, if you’re 70, your fantasies might be about being 40 again. 🙂

  3. IT’s a breath of fresh air Trish to read your story. I agree that if the behaviour modification is working then the punsihment spankings should slow down. There’s always room for other kinds though 🙂 We are exactly the same age!

    • You’re the same age as me, Constance? I had no idea. I always thought I was the oldest of our little community. I love knowing that I have a contemporary among all the young whippersnappers. 🙂

      Yes, it takes all kinds of people, in all kinds of circumstances, with a whole lot of different needs. That’s one of the most beautiful things about people: there’s always something new to discover. I’m glad you came to visit, Constance. Thank you.

  4. I love what you said about behavior modification and bettering ourselves. You’re absolutely right! If the spanking doesn’t elicit the attempted response, then we are doing it for a different reason. (and there is nothing wrong with that.)

    As I age, I am learning more about respect – for myself and him.
    Good Lord, if he said half the things I have said to him….

    So the discipline aspect has helped me gain some insight, like letting me know just how hurtful I can be with over-reactions or evil words.
    That’s how the spankings help me.
    He is able to let me know that:
    A. He sees what I am doing.
    B. He doesn’t like it.

    I also would love to talk more about the dynamic of a submissive frame of mind, some day.
    It’s hard as a stay at home mom of young kids, to get into a younger and submissive mind set (and yes, when I am being submissive, I do regress). And it is hard to flip flop back and forth between Mom in charge, and submissive.

    I hope this will get easier with age!

    Great post!
    Thanks for hosting this month!

    • You might be the “Mom in charge” but not for your husband. We have to nurture the differences in relationships as well as their similarities. I’m sure your love for your children is different from your love for your husband, though they all stem from the same upwelling of emotion. It does get easier and more natural as you get older. Trust me. 🙂 Thank you for commenting, Katherine.

  5. This was a thought provoking post for me. We had similar beginnings, Trish. I was 13 when I started reading those novels. I remember earmarking pages where spankings occurred. The aspect of this topic that I love the most is the way it highlights that it is ok for things to change as we get older. That this aspect in our life is not going to stay the same as it was at 20, 30, or even 40-50. It’s evolving and quite honestly if it doesn’t change with us it is bound to become something that may not be healthy for us. It is quite common when people are starting out to have a specific scenerio in their minds of how this lifestyle and those lifestyles that encompass spanking should be. Sometimes it’s a rigid concept. As we age and grow through life I think we realize that things are always shifting, changing, and that it’s ok. I hope at 70 Jeff and I are keeping things interesting with the fun kind of spankings.

    • I’m glad the topic struck a chord with you, Corinne. I agree that we need to open our minds, especially as we get older, and flex with the changes in our relationships and our self-assessments. That’s growth. When you stop growing, you stagnate, and you become less vital. I hope we can all avoid that! Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Corinne.

  6. My comment just disappeared! You hit on an excellent point, that the humiliation factor actually goes UP as we age (as in, a mature woman should not be required to be scolded/spanked). It increased efficacy as behavior modification, but also makes it hotter (I know, I always go there) because humiliation is an integral part of what makes spanking a turn on. 🙂

    • It’s funny. When I was younger, that humiliation was part of the craving for spankings. Now that I’m middle-aged, humiliation isn’t as important, and is also less sought after. I think it comes from the fact that getting older, all by itself, is a humiliating experience. Stuff breaks and you realize that you’re not a “young woman” any more (except maybe to a 90 year old). All of that adds up to a humbling (using that word on purpose) experience. I’m glad you could comment, Renee. Thanks!

  7. You and I seem to be very much alike in what we needed way back when and what we need now. 🙂 I know of people in their 60s, 70s and I even know one really, really dirty (and I mean that in the BEST possible way) 80-year-old man at the munches who is just phenomenal in his spanking lechery. I seriously hope I can keep up as well as any of them when I hit those milestones!

    • I agree with you, Maren. There is really so much more to look forward to, and so much of the past to learn from as we get older. And one’s butt gets more padded, which is never a bad thing. LOL

  8. What strikes me about DD (excuse the pun) is that while it definitely isn’t for everybody (or even most people), for those who choose it, it seems to fill their needs. It sounds like you got exactly what you needed when you needed it.

    • A person’s requirements and desires change as they get older, to a point. We all have the need for respect, love, and kindness perpetually. I think whether you’re in a DD relationship or not, we can all relate to those things. Our needs are not so different after all. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Cara.

  9. It would make sense that as you get older and are with the same partner for more years there wouldn’t be as much punishment. You know what to expect and what you expect from each other. I hope all of your spankings are more of the fun kind from here on out!
    Great topic Patricia. Thanks for sharing!

    • They are the fun kind, Casey, and the loving kind. But then, they have all been delivered with love, even when they were meant as correction. I’m glad you could come by. Thank you!

  10. I appreciate your comments on how the spankings change. You know, sometimes I think we get so wound up in what the spanking is for. It’s like when I first found DD and often people would tell me- well DD is different because it’s not about enjoyment; the spanking is about discipline, not pleasure, like in BDSM. I find that a very limiting perspective. Like right now, I’m desperately wanting a spanking that I’m pretty sure my Master doesn’t feel up to giving- why I want it? Because I’m bipolar and high strung and I’m afraid it’ll never happen again. Interesting to read about how things progressed for you- thanks for sharing

    • I feel for your anxiety, Joelle. I hope you get what you want. Your Master sounds like a thoughtful guy, and I’m sure he’ll consider what you want and what you need as it becomes apparent. Sometimes a spanking is a “reset” button. You want to clear the cobwebs and hidden guilty feelings and go forward with a lighter step. Thanks for commenting!

  11. I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and in a way, I think it will just remain a part of the relationship because it’s just a part of us. Whether it’s DD or erotic, spanking isn’t like a dress that doesn’t fit anymore. It’s more like an arm or a leg, it’s a part of the person/people and I’m not sure if it is any more embarrassing at 65 than it is at 35. That is a whole part of it. At least I hope so!!

    • A lot of people find the ‘humiliation factor’ important in the spankings, so at 65 they just might be even more of a turn on than at 35, but then there are folks who loved that aspect when they were younger but have come to view middle age and beyond as a more dignified time. Believe me, when your body starts telling you that you’re older, you wrap yourself in dignity and hope for the best. Thanks for coming by Natasha, and giving your opinion.

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