Category: ‘Spanking Romance Round Table’

Spanking Romance Round Table – Spanking As We Age

February 21, 2014 Posted by Patricia Green

SRRT graphicHow old were you when you realized that spanking had to be a part of your life? I mean really a part, as in having a partner to share it with. Were you 20, 30, maybe 40+? Are you still working this out? And what happens to our spanking behavior as we get older?

I started being interested in spanking when I was about 15, reading some of those old paperback romances we would now call classic for the genre. A number of them had the heroines being spanked, and it really intrigued me. I kept that to myself; 15 is a formative year.

When I was 19, I entered into my first real spanking relationship. The man I was dating was 42 years old and very much the dominant party in our relationship. Firmly, he taught me how to behave. I had been pretty well out of control ever since my mother (my only parent) died when I was 18. I was bratty and deserved all of the spankings I received. But more importantly, it set the tone for the rest of my life. When that relationship broke up, I had to search to find another man who would satisfy my need to turn over some of my control to an outside party.

It took me 13 years, and one broken marriage, to find the right person. By that time, I was over 30, but still in good form, vitally active, and had reverted back to my earlier brattiness. Fast forward: I’m now 53. How has that relationship changed in 20+ years?

After about a zillion spankings, I have to say I am much, much better behaved. I’ve mellowed out and learned most of my lessons in good comportment. So I rarely earn a spanking. Most of the time, they’re more playful than punishment. Not that they don’t hurt. They do. Sometimes, they hurt my dignity more than my rear end. After all, I’m a middle aged woman with grown kids and a controlled lifestyle; I shouldn’t be baring my rear for a belt. Especially as my butt isn’t what it was when I was 30!

Still, spanking is definitely a threat that means something to me. It usually doesn’t take more than that threat to get me to realize how my behavior has gone awry and to get me to straighten up and fly right. I still screw up occasionally, whining too much, making stupid mistakes that could have easily been avoided, spending too much money (not too often on that one – I’m a miser as I get closer and closer to retirement), and occasionally talking back or not listening. But these are now rare issues.

Let’s think about this. With the exceptions of erotic spankings and playful smacks on the rump as you’re passing in the hallway, isn’t the point of punishment spankings to teach you better behavior? If you’re not learning to calm down, screw up less often, and manage your spending, are the punishment spankings working? If they’re not working, what purpose do they serve? Maybe you just need to be generally punished regularly to atone for the guilty feelings that build up over time. Does that latter scenario work for you? Shouldn’t you be learning to deal with everyday guilty feelings and minimize their impact on your married life?

I look at the spanking behavior in my own life as an evolving process. Undoubtedly, it will become less and less as both my husband and I get older. But it’s still the 900 pound gorilla in the room. If I mess up, he still has a hand, a belt, and the dreaded wooden hairbrush. My trajectory appears to be one of more even temperament as I get older.

I know of people into their seventies that still have spanking behavior. It slows down, it becomes erotic, even if only occasionally occurring, and less and less for punishment. BDSM may play a part, but again, it’s unlikely to be for actual punishment, even when painful.

I hope spanking will always remain part of my life, no matter what age I am. As I imagine myself in my 60s and 70s, it makes me uncomfortable to think of how humiliating it would be to be 65 years old and earning a spanking, but that just makes me more determined than ever to keep my nose clean. I’d much rather save my spankings for fun times. [nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?]

It will be fascinating to read how you all see yourselves and spankings in the future. Please leave a comment here, so I’ll know you visited and gave it some thought.

Trish

Read more journeys through spanking and find out how people envision themselves as spankers and spankees in their future. Go here for more:

#SRRT Domestic Discipline Considered

December 13, 2013 Posted by Patricia Green

SRRT graphic

Thanks to Corrine Alexander for this great topic!

As I was thinking about writing this article, I realized what a big umbrella the phrase “domestic discipline” is. It covers all kinds of relationships, from Orthodox to secular, male dominated and female dominated, polyamorous and polygynous. For the sake of clarity, I’ll restrict my comments to the relationship I know best: a male dominated, monogamous, heterosexual household.

The men in this relationship are often called “head of household” or HoH. There are men who take this role easily and naturally, with or without spanking. And there are men who have to be coaxed to take this kind of responsibility on. My husband was a natural and didn’t need coaxing. He would never have considered a relationship where he was not the HoH, and neither would I. So we had that down pat right from the beginning.

Where does the spanking come in? We are the SPANKING Romance Round Table, after all.

blonde woman kissing man 2616594_sDomestic discipline is usually based upon good and bad behavior by the wife or female partner. That doesn’t mean that the husband HoH is perfect, but rather we presume he has the grace to make up for his shortcomings and take the consequences without a physical punishment. Women, in my experience, are sometimes less willing to say the words, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” I don’t know why that would be the case, but as I’ve seen it in action, I can say anecdotally, that it goes like that.

A woman does not have to be “weak” in order to accept her punishment. Strong women learn to take their lickin’ and remain strong for the family. But that strength should never override a HoH’s final say or become a contest of wills. That’s why the relationship has been divided into one Chief and lots of Indians. Someone has to have the final decision, and in a domestic discipline household, that is usually the husband. Both parties agree to it and, presumably, both parties are willing to accept the responsibility that entails.

As naughty as women can be, it is rare when they don’t realize exactly how awful their behavior is. The HoH is likely to give fair warning if punishment is eminent. A little self-control seems in order for the wife, but sometimes, the whole self-control issue is lost in the frustration of the day. Those frustrations have a tendency to build up and lead to true naughtiness. It is a HoH’s responsibility to stop that behavior in a safe and sane way. Thus, spankings, corner time, writing lines, and other harmless but humiliating punishments.

Humiliation is a big component. It is humiliating to be treated like a child — we don’t even treat children like that anymore! Being vulnerable, less than strong, less than at your most upright and righteous position, is humbling. And that humbleness takes a lot of the starch out of the need to act up.

During punishment, a woman is sometimes brought to tears and as the dam bursts, the frustrations of the day, week, month, are released. Catharsis happens with punishment, along with forgiveness. When you know you’ve been “bad” you want your conscience to be cleared so that you don’t feel guilty for that hurt look on your husband’s face, or the irritation in his voice, or the embarrassment of having a messy house if visitors come to call.

Domestic discipline isn’t a panacea for all marital ills, but it can be (and is) an answer to many couples’ troubles. It does help keep some marriages together, the parties happier, and stress lower.

But what if the wife really enjoys being spanked, less for the catharsis and forgiveness, and more from a physical reaction, often erotic? Is she likely to encourage the punishment spankings in order to feed that urge? I hope not. That’s manipulation and deserves a punishment all on its own. When things get to this point, a long conversation is required, as well as a change of punishments. Something less “pleasant” than spanking becomes an answer. Those kinds of punishments vary considerably from one couple to another.

And maybe erotic spankings can stay on the agenda in order to feed that urge, but it needs to be made clear that punishments and playtime are separate. If they cross the line too often, there’s a disconnect between bad behavior and strict discipline versus bad behavior and a spanking reward.

Domestic discipline can be a very effective tool to make a couple closer as they work through their various issues, and can often make a difficult wife less difficult. And we’re all difficult sometime or another. Harried husbands also get a release of tension when their wives do.

I live a domestic discipline lifestyle and have for almost 20 years. Although I can’t recommend it to everyone, I think for many people it might be the answer to a happier marriage.

 
Sorry… I forgot this linky list earlier. Blame it on stupidity.

  • Sign Up Here!

    Get blogs directly to your inbox, as well as new release notifications, and gifts for subscribers only.

  • Work In Progress Meter

    Striker -- Draft

    39,285/35000

    112% Done


    Striker -- Editing and Beta

    100% Done and out the door!


  • Like me on Facebook

  • Find me on Google+

  • Spanking Romance Reviews

    Spanking Romance Reviews Site