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women holding hands 9001316_sThis is the fifth article in the series. For the other four, follow these links:

Article 1 (Introduction),
article 2 (Why Some People Think SoMe Doesn’t Work),
article 3 (Funneling SoMe to Your Site) and
article 4 (Social Media Goals).

The series is focused on getting lots of traffic through judicious use of social media, but that’s not the most important part of the strategy. The most important part is building a relationship with people in your niche and making more sales than you’re making right now. You have to keep your eye on the prize: more sales, which equals more fame, and furthermore, more fortune. If you put in effort over the long term—consistently providing value to your fans—you’ll see much better results.

As mentioned in a previous article, it’s far better to have 100 targeted visitors than it is to have several thousand untargeted visitors. It’s not all about getting great traffic on SoMe, it’s also about knowing what to do with it. The two can’t be separated—if they could, buying leads and hits to your website would work like gangbusters. (We’ve all gotten that spam on Twitter: “10,000 followers for just $3.99!”) Those things don’t work. So let’s talk about relationships.

Understanding the Needs and Wants of Your Market

You need to think about what people need and want before you start to drive traffic.

Consider the people and businesses you follow on SoMe. You follow people because you are interested in what they have to say, or you already have a relationship with them, like colleagues and sports teams. You follow businesses because they are sharing things with you, giving you advice, entertaining you, or are intriguing to you in some other way. Maybe you just like what they stand for or the cute pictures of kittens they share.

For the most part, you don’t follow companies just because they sell things. (Well, maybe if they sell shoes.) Generally, it’s not worth your limited time to waste energy that way. It’s about give and take. You are getting something (either tangible or not) in exchange for following them.

What Makes You Worth Following?

Why should people follow you? You’re a little bit biased, but try to put yourself in your readers’ shoes. Try this test. Set your timer to ten minutes. Start typing out all the benefits a fan might get for following you. Are the results surprising? Maybe you’ll learn that you could be offering more value to your fans, or more value than your competition. We’re a community, yes, but readers only have so many dollars to spend, so in many ways, it’s a competition, too.

People will follow you because you share information, give them something, are entertaining, or are interesting in some way—the same reasons you follow the companies you follow!

Building relationships means saying more than “buy my book.” It involves giving something away, sometimes, making yourself a little more accessible and more real to your fans, offering value that they can’t get somewhere else. Your SoMe needs to reflect this or it won’t be worth the effort.

(By the way, I’m still working on all of this. The class was eye-opening, but you really have to sit down and think through your goals and process carefully.)

Next Wednesday, I’ll share some information on how to set up your social media (not the bare bones, click this button and fill out this form stuff) and the importance of “value-added” offers.

SRRT graphic

Thanks to Corrine Alexander for this great topic!

As I was thinking about writing this article, I realized what a big umbrella the phrase “domestic discipline” is. It covers all kinds of relationships, from Orthodox to secular, male dominated and female dominated, polyamorous and polygynous. For the sake of clarity, I’ll restrict my comments to the relationship I know best: a male dominated, monogamous, heterosexual household.

The men in this relationship are often called “head of household” or HoH. There are men who take this role easily and naturally, with or without spanking. And there are men who have to be coaxed to take this kind of responsibility on. My husband was a natural and didn’t need coaxing. He would never have considered a relationship where he was not the HoH, and neither would I. So we had that down pat right from the beginning.

Where does the spanking come in? We are the SPANKING Romance Round Table, after all.

blonde woman kissing man 2616594_sDomestic discipline is usually based upon good and bad behavior by the wife or female partner. That doesn’t mean that the husband HoH is perfect, but rather we presume he has the grace to make up for his shortcomings and take the consequences without a physical punishment. Women, in my experience, are sometimes less willing to say the words, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” I don’t know why that would be the case, but as I’ve seen it in action, I can say anecdotally, that it goes like that.

A woman does not have to be “weak” in order to accept her punishment. Strong women learn to take their lickin’ and remain strong for the family. But that strength should never override a HoH’s final say or become a contest of wills. That’s why the relationship has been divided into one Chief and lots of Indians. Someone has to have the final decision, and in a domestic discipline household, that is usually the husband. Both parties agree to it and, presumably, both parties are willing to accept the responsibility that entails.

As naughty as women can be, it is rare when they don’t realize exactly how awful their behavior is. The HoH is likely to give fair warning if punishment is eminent. A little self-control seems in order for the wife, but sometimes, the whole self-control issue is lost in the frustration of the day. Those frustrations have a tendency to build up and lead to true naughtiness. It is a HoH’s responsibility to stop that behavior in a safe and sane way. Thus, spankings, corner time, writing lines, and other harmless but humiliating punishments.

Humiliation is a big component. It is humiliating to be treated like a child — we don’t even treat children like that anymore! Being vulnerable, less than strong, less than at your most upright and righteous position, is humbling. And that humbleness takes a lot of the starch out of the need to act up.

During punishment, a woman is sometimes brought to tears and as the dam bursts, the frustrations of the day, week, month, are released. Catharsis happens with punishment, along with forgiveness. When you know you’ve been “bad” you want your conscience to be cleared so that you don’t feel guilty for that hurt look on your husband’s face, or the irritation in his voice, or the embarrassment of having a messy house if visitors come to call.

Domestic discipline isn’t a panacea for all marital ills, but it can be (and is) an answer to many couples’ troubles. It does help keep some marriages together, the parties happier, and stress lower.

But what if the wife really enjoys being spanked, less for the catharsis and forgiveness, and more from a physical reaction, often erotic? Is she likely to encourage the punishment spankings in order to feed that urge? I hope not. That’s manipulation and deserves a punishment all on its own. When things get to this point, a long conversation is required, as well as a change of punishments. Something less “pleasant” than spanking becomes an answer. Those kinds of punishments vary considerably from one couple to another.

And maybe erotic spankings can stay on the agenda in order to feed that urge, but it needs to be made clear that punishments and playtime are separate. If they cross the line too often, there’s a disconnect between bad behavior and strict discipline versus bad behavior and a spanking reward.

Domestic discipline can be a very effective tool to make a couple closer as they work through their various issues, and can often make a difficult wife less difficult. And we’re all difficult sometime or another. Harried husbands also get a release of tension when their wives do.

I live a domestic discipline lifestyle and have for almost 20 years. Although I can’t recommend it to everyone, I think for many people it might be the answer to a happier marriage.

Sorry… I forgot this linky list earlier. Blame it on stupidity.

kissing couple vector 6900191_sWelcome to Patricia Green Books! This week, I’m participating in Spanking Romance Reviews’ Spanking Round Table Discussion. The topic is “Bringing Spanking to the Relationship.” There are a number of authors and enthusiasts participating. You can find links to the others down at the bottom of this post.

So… Who or what brought spanking to my relationship, and how do others find their way to the DD lifestyle?

My relationship started online. My husband and I met through a BBS (bulletin board service) in the early 90s. That was the mode of meeting local people online at the time. As part of that BBS there were forums for writers, erotica writers, and BDSM specialists. There was no forum for Domestic Discipline at that time. Since we are both writers, we met in one of those forums. (I can’t recall which one.) Over time, we had online conversations and got to know each other. Elements of BDSM were in all our writings, and it was just accepted as something each of us would find as a normal part of any relationship. Neither of us brought spanking into the relationship, it was simply part of the framework.

Later, we met and found our written communications translated to chemistry offline and that was enough to seal the deal. As I said, spanking was never questioned, and our relationship morphed into Domestic Discipline quickly.

It was easy for me, but not so easy for others. I think it must be very scary to have a desire for spanking — from either party — and have little or no way to express what must be a taboo subject. My guess is that it starts from a little slap and tickle and then maybe a discussion can ensue. I’ve heard from a number of women that they instigated their own spankings and that their husbands went along, getting into it after a while as they saw their marriages improve via a bit of discipline. At the same time, although the topic was discussed (always a good beginning), a few people I know were unable to find accommodation in their marriage for spanking behavior. It is viewed as “abuse” by many people and that line remains firm in the majority of households.

Spanking is one potential tool in the marriage toolbox. There are so many others, many much more important. To my way of thinking, it doesn’t matter who brings it up, so long as a discussion takes place, fantasies are explored, and the behavior is mutually agreed upon, and part of a program to improve the marriage, either through erotic spankings to enhance the sex life, or adult discipline spankings to increase peace and cohesiveness in the household. At no time should spanking be one-sided, even though one spouse or another is the sole spanker and the other the sole spankee, because, no matter which party insists upon it, it cannot work without cooperation and goals cannot be met.

If you are interested in bringing spanking to your relationship in any form, I encourage you to read spanking romance and Domestic Discipline books and explore spanking blogs and forums online. Find out the ways such relationships might start and apply some of what you learn to your own relationship. Perhaps share a book with your spouse and note his or her reaction. You might be surprised pleasantly. Remember, the two of you have a lot in common or you wouldn’t be together. Be honest with each other. The rest should follow.

That’s my take on bringing spanking to the relationship. Read others’ perspectives by following the links below.