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Thanks to Corrine Alexander for this great topic!

As I was thinking about writing this article, I realized what a big umbrella the phrase “domestic discipline” is. It covers all kinds of relationships, from Orthodox to secular, male dominated and female dominated, polyamorous and polygynous. For the sake of clarity, I’ll restrict my comments to the relationship I know best: a male dominated, monogamous, heterosexual household.

The men in this relationship are often called “head of household” or HoH. There are men who take this role easily and naturally, with or without spanking. And there are men who have to be coaxed to take this kind of responsibility on. My husband was a natural and didn’t need coaxing. He would never have considered a relationship where he was not the HoH, and neither would I. So we had that down pat right from the beginning.

Where does the spanking come in? We are the SPANKING Romance Round Table, after all.

blonde woman kissing man 2616594_sDomestic discipline is usually based upon good and bad behavior by the wife or female partner. That doesn’t mean that the husband HoH is perfect, but rather we presume he has the grace to make up for his shortcomings and take the consequences without a physical punishment. Women, in my experience, are sometimes less willing to say the words, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” I don’t know why that would be the case, but as I’ve seen it in action, I can say anecdotally, that it goes like that.

A woman does not have to be “weak” in order to accept her punishment. Strong women learn to take their lickin’ and remain strong for the family. But that strength should never override a HoH’s final say or become a contest of wills. That’s why the relationship has been divided into one Chief and lots of Indians. Someone has to have the final decision, and in a domestic discipline household, that is usually the husband. Both parties agree to it and, presumably, both parties are willing to accept the responsibility that entails.

As naughty as women can be, it is rare when they don’t realize exactly how awful their behavior is. The HoH is likely to give fair warning if punishment is eminent. A little self-control seems in order for the wife, but sometimes, the whole self-control issue is lost in the frustration of the day. Those frustrations have a tendency to build up and lead to true naughtiness. It is a HoH’s responsibility to stop that behavior in a safe and sane way. Thus, spankings, corner time, writing lines, and other harmless but humiliating punishments.

Humiliation is a big component. It is humiliating to be treated like a child — we don’t even treat children like that anymore! Being vulnerable, less than strong, less than at your most upright and righteous position, is humbling. And that humbleness takes a lot of the starch out of the need to act up.

During punishment, a woman is sometimes brought to tears and as the dam bursts, the frustrations of the day, week, month, are released. Catharsis happens with punishment, along with forgiveness. When you know you’ve been “bad” you want your conscience to be cleared so that you don’t feel guilty for that hurt look on your husband’s face, or the irritation in his voice, or the embarrassment of having a messy house if visitors come to call.

Domestic discipline isn’t a panacea for all marital ills, but it can be (and is) an answer to many couples’ troubles. It does help keep some marriages together, the parties happier, and stress lower.

But what if the wife really enjoys being spanked, less for the catharsis and forgiveness, and more from a physical reaction, often erotic? Is she likely to encourage the punishment spankings in order to feed that urge? I hope not. That’s manipulation and deserves a punishment all on its own. When things get to this point, a long conversation is required, as well as a change of punishments. Something less “pleasant” than spanking becomes an answer. Those kinds of punishments vary considerably from one couple to another.

And maybe erotic spankings can stay on the agenda in order to feed that urge, but it needs to be made clear that punishments and playtime are separate. If they cross the line too often, there’s a disconnect between bad behavior and strict discipline versus bad behavior and a spanking reward.

Domestic discipline can be a very effective tool to make a couple closer as they work through their various issues, and can often make a difficult wife less difficult. And we’re all difficult sometime or another. Harried husbands also get a release of tension when their wives do.

I live a domestic discipline lifestyle and have for almost 20 years. Although I can’t recommend it to everyone, I think for many people it might be the answer to a happier marriage.

Sorry… I forgot this linky list earlier. Blame it on stupidity.

If you’re here for the Enchanted Times Blog Hop, click here for your chance to win prizes.

Hi, Everyone! You’ve probably already seen my Spanking Romance Round Table post, giving my opinion on Feminism and Spanking. It might be a little controversial, but I’m opinionated like that. You can find it here.

Cover: The Winner: Romantek Book Oneprincessandthehuntsman_full

Also today, my book, The Winner: Romantek is being featured on Celeste Jones’ Spanking Stories Book Club. She always asks insightful questions, and they don’t always pertain only to the book. Whether you’ve read The Winner yet or not, I hope you’ll pop over to Celeste’s place and add your two cents. It’s sure to be an interesting discussion.

Furthermore, The Princess and the Huntsman is firmly on the Amazon Top 100 for Erotica this week. It’s an honor to be among the greats. I feel like a bit of an impostor, but that won’t stop me from being excited by the company I’m keeping. If you haven’t read The Princess and the Huntsman, I hope you’ll take the word of a lot of other erotica readers and pick yourself up a copy. You can find the summary and an excerpt right here.

Lastly, I inked a contract with Blushing Books for the sequel to Kiki’s Millionaire. It’s called The Girl with the Thistle Tattoo. If you’ve been curious to find out what happens to Cal Chesterfield, this will be your chance. You’ll see it on the ebook shelves before the year is over, I expect.

Thanks for joining me on my peregrinations today, and don’t forget to come back for Saturday Spankings tomorrow. There’s always something fun going on around here!


SRRT graphicThe topic for this week’s Spanking Romance Round Table discussion is “Feminism and Spanking.” What a huge can of worms! Feminism, all by itself, is a topic worth 1000 posts.

I have a politically incorrect view on feminism. As I interpret the origins of feminism, it was intended to open doors for women, give them choices, make their lives more fulfilled. As of today’s posting, however, I find women to be more neurotic, more driven to depression, more haggard, given fewer choices, than any time I’ve experienced or read about.

Most have to work and yet manage a home. (Generally, they partner with men for this, and that can alleviate some of the stress.) There is huge pressure on SAHMs to get out in the workforce as soon as they can, put their children in daycare for indoctrination and generally get onto the hamster wheel. Once in the workforce, women are frowned upon if they don’t ambitiously strive to be the company CEO. They are discouraged from taking time off to tend to sick children or aging parents. Their peer group (other women) puts pressure on them to be superwoman or be shunned. This drives a lot of women into depression and runs them ragged, when what they really want to be is nurturing, peaceful, creative and steady.

This does not apply to all women, but from what I’ve seen, it sure applies to most.

woman in a box -modified -20239328_sHow does spanking fit in? Well, let’s say you are a spanked wife (or girlfriend). Can you imagine telling your sister or your co-worker? The “A-word” (abuse) would be right there, hanging out like bad breath. Most feminists would chalk a woman’s desire for disciplinary spanking to be sick, a horrific product of the patriarchy. And yet, so many of us want to have the structure, the peace, that comes with knowing that you have a partner who cares enough to help you correct your own unwanted behaviors. And that doesn’t even get into erotic spanking, which feminists are slightly more likely to accept, but you have to remember, radical feminists think having sex while half-asleep (already in bed with the guy and having shared that intimacy before) is akin to rape. As Dave Barry would say, “I’m not making this stuff up.”

So…in my opinion, modern feminism does not allow for spanking. This despite the fact that originally feminism was intended to give women more freedom to explore all their options. Political correctness takes away all those choices and tries to put women in a single, square, unyielding box.

Being in a box makes me claustrophobic. I don’t know about you.

For more thoughts on Feminism and Spanking, follow along through these links. Be sure to add your opinion to the discussion. We’re all in this together.